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Yesterday was kind of up and down emotionally. The good news is that I didn’t overeat, the bad news is my heart is a little broken 🙂 but I will be okay.

“There are no shortcuts in life or in love. This pain must be felt. The alternative is much worse. It’s what makes us special, what makes us beautiful, what makes us worthy; the pain of how we love. But that pain is accompanied by something else, isn’t it? Hope. With your pain, there is hope. And that is where you are. Somewhere between agony and optimism and prayer. So you’re human. You’re alive. And that is what we have.”

All that said, this was my horoscope today:

Aries March 21 – April 19

For Thursday, November 15 –As each day goes by, you have been learning a little more about someone you’ve recently met. Today you will get the final clue you need to evaluate your feelings. Do not be surprised if the road to romance takes a giant detour today — but it will be for the best, whatever happens. Your visions of the future are not always accurate, but they should always be hopeful. If you discover today that your hopes are not going to pan out, then get busy building up some new ones!

 So, even though I’m disappointed and a little sad, I’m ready to consider what is next for me. What do I want to do? I still have 7 months of this contract which I love and probably 10 months that I’ll stick around in NH. What do I want to do with that time and what do I want to do after that?

Goals:

a. Lose 116 lbs (20 lbs down, 98 lbs to go!)

b. Deliver GREAT service to Tuck & MLT clients

c. Complete transition to highly active fitness lifestyle

d. Save $60,000

e. Leave NH in better physical, financial and emotion health than ever!

f. Relationship management: with clients, family and friends, but mostly with ME. Keep me #1.

I want to:

a) Love, love, love working out, lifting and increasing my fitness

b) Increase my self-confidence and self-esteem

c) Learn to play the Piano

d) Run 3-5 miles – 4x per week

e) Golf

f) Ride my motorcycle

g) Find Love

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Not feeling that great today emotionally. Working through some things and it is dragging me down. My neck hurts a little bit but I think I’m just being crazy because of some personal stuff.

9am: 4 Boca “fake” chicken nuggets w/ ketchup & Mayo

12noon: small portion pasta w/ alfredo + red sauce + small portion ceasar salad + diet coke

3pm: I’m kind of hungry right now, but not sure what I want, peanut brittle is looking good.

I’m trying not to let this emotional state impact my eating strategies. Also, I don’t want it to impact my Karate class and wether or not I “feel” like going. I have a huge work project this week/weekend so I’m not going to be “sick” for real, it just can’t happen. I refuse!

🙂

Woke up hungry as all get out! I nibbled and snacked last night after the gym (slimfast Optima shake, lowfat string cheese and 3 peanut butter crackers). I need to ween my system off the white flour and fried breading it got this weekend and then my hunger will abate again I’m sure.  I need to snack “cleaner” and step up my cardio intensity. I got on the WW scale today and was down .2 lbs lol, which after a weekend of wine and fried chicken is OKAY with me! But I want to see some more drastic results, and last week, by the end of the week I could really FEEL that I was “smaller.”

So far today I’ve been eating clean, but I’m hungrier than I was last week.

830 am: coffee w/ skim and splenda + Banana

1145 am: Slimfast Optima (on the way to Weight Watchers!)

130 pm: Salad w/ grilled chicken (no boiled eggs, no cheese)

500pm: Slimfast Optima

900pm: Spinach w/ onions and chicken sausage (sauteed)

930pm: 2 Qhourn “chicken” nuggets (fake chicken)

I started my “cycle” this morning, so I’m glad in that it burns up tons of calories, but I also have to wear a white karate uniform….great! lol.

My Goals for this week:

Mon: Cardio + Weights (done!)

Tues: Karate (done!)

Weds: Spinning + Weights (or abs and push ups)

Thurs: Karate

Fri: Spinning

Sat: Cardio (Hard workout)

Sun: Rest

I’m Enjoying this blog

Nike Designs Shoe for Native Americans: http://ballyblog.wordpress.com/2007/09/26/nike-designs-shoes-for-american-indians/ 

From: http://buildingmyrealestateempire.com/2007/09/25/tips-for-life/

Tips for Life!

  • 1. Give people more than they expect, and doso cheerfully.
  • 2. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you’d like.
  • 3. Don’t say “I love you” unless you really mean it.
  • 4. When you say “I’m sorry” look the person in the eye.
  • 5. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
  • 6. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt, but it’s the only way to live life completely.
  • 7. In disagreements, fight fair. No name-calling.
  • 8. Don’t judge people by their relatives.
  • 9. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”
  • 10. Call your mom.
  • 11. Say “Bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.
  • 12. Don’t let a little squabble damage a good friendship.
  • 13. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
  • 14. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
  • 15. Marry someone you loveto talk to. As you get older, good conversation will be one of the principal elements of an enduring relationship.
  • 16. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
  • 17. Read more books and watch less TV.
  • 18. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
  • 19. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
  • 20. Mind your own business.
  • 21. Trust in God, but lock your car.

So there you go… 21 little tips for life.

This quote comes from Shades of Pink’s Awesome Positive Blog! If you haven’t checked it out in a while, you should! She is constantly adding new things that are a great reminder or a wonderful, quick, pick-me-up. Thanks, Shades of Pink, for your efforts. I love your blog!

This “Power Quote” as Shades calls it is by Ralph Marston.

“The more you see yourself as needing anything, the less you’re able to enjoy it. So let go of the need and allow the enjoyment to happen.

Do you need to go to work today, or do you enjoy the opportunity to create value and to make a difference? It all depends on how you look at it. See your effort strictly as a need and it takes on the qualities of a burden. See that effort as a choice, a pleasure, a privilege, and you raise it to a whole new level of effectiveness. Read the rest of this entry »

Take this quiz: http://www.ultralongevityprogram.com/quiz.html

I saw Dr. Mark Liponis on Rachael Ray this morning and thought this was interesting. I scored a 47 and believe that I can really continue this healthy lifestyle thing and get even better.

I thought it was interesting that they didn’t ask how much water you drink or how many alcoholic drinks you have per day.

I need to go floss and take my vitamin now!

Not sure what is going on, but I’ve been waking in the middle of the night lately and then not able to go back to sleep. Part of it is trying to get a good temperature to sleep in. I’m used to it being pretty chilly and there’s no A/C here in NH. It is getting nippy at night though so I usually leave my fan on high in the window and that definitely helps. I’ve been making myself stay up until at least 11pm and I think I’m generally well rested, which means I only need about 6-7 hours sleep max.

I think the whole thing with “the crush” might be part of it, watching a daydream wither and this one hit me hard for some reason that I can’t explain. I’ve had work on my mind, family stuff and feeling generally like this weight loss project is going to take a loooonnnnng time, and I have to keep my head in the game for the long haul. I also realized that my outside doesn’t match my inside. How I view myself and the reality of my physicality are wildly different and I want them to be the same, hence…Operation Best Shape of My Life (OBSOML). 

It is also hard to acknowledge that for all my loveable qualities on the inside, the outside may be preventing anyone from taking a chance. Beyond that, my mojo is GONE, because of the lack of confidence. Anyone who knows me would probably be shocked, actually I’M shocked because I’ve always loved my confidence. I guess there’s the fear that I will never be attractive (more to myself than to others) and losing the weight is to me the last piece of that puzzle (or the first depending on how you look at it).

I am trying to console myself with the idea that I’m trying to become what I want to attract: emotionally, spiritually, financially, mentally and physically healthy. That until I FEEL beautiful on the outside, I won’t truly FEEL beautiful on the inside and that confidence is necessary to build a healthy relationship.

Finally, I guess all this is really coming out because I’m not traveling like I have been. When on the road or prepping for vagabonding, romance is the last thing on my mind. Now that I’m somewhat settled until at least May 2008, I guess I’m realizing I’m human and want someone to boo up with! 

So here’s to hoping that tonite’s slumber is deep, restful and recuperative and that my a.m. run is strong and endorphin producing!

Last night I woke up at 345am and couldn’t get back to sleep until 6am so no workout for me. Lots of work related stuff/stress I think. I hit the road for a week of bouncing around travel tomorrow. I’m working on learning how to work through the stress without eating through the stress.

I woke up hungry as hell, speaking of eating. I don’t think I’m under-eating, but good gosh darn, I was ravenous!

Today’s small victories:

1) I haven’t had a diet pepsi since…?? sometime last week

2) I had a banana and a slim fast for my two “snacks” today

3) I almost, and I mean I wasthisclose to going through the McDonald’s drive through this afternoon. I was tired, hungry and cranky = prime disaster time. But…somehow I made it home to baked chicken, potatoes and broccoli. And I had 2nds but not much, and a low fat fudge pop. But that’s it!

I’m proud of myself. Lovesickness is abating.

Yesterday we went sightseeing in Boston so we walked a tiny bit, but mostly were on our butts. After hard workouts on Sat & Sun, I decided it would be good to have a day of rest, but by the end of the day I felt “antsy”, do yall get that feeling where you feel like you WANT to run/workout? It was too late by the time we got home so I got a great night’s sleep.

I found yesterday that I was kind of angry at feeling somewhat hungry/deprived alot of the time lately. True I haven’t eaten 100% clean, but who does? I’ve eaten better and more consistently the last two weeks than I have in who knows how long. But yesterday I WANTED to feel full and satiated. I wanted french fries and pizza, chicken parmesean and mashed potatoes. I didn’t go that far, but I did have some wings, 1/4 of a cannoli (sp?), and gasp…fried calamari! But, I also had tuna salad sandwhich and two huge salads. (oh! i just remembered my other salad is here for lunch today and it was yummy! yay! something to look forward to!).

So, I’m trying to find anything I can to keep me motivated and in high spirits….

Here’s a GREAT article by Michael Pollan on why we’re going to hell in a handbasket and how to stop eating Unhappy Meals.

For all yall working on fitness goals here’s a great post from Gretchen over at The Happiness Project:

Exercise helps make you happy. People who exercise are healthier, more energetic, think more clearly, sleep better, and have delayed onset of dementia. They also get relief from anxiety and mild depression, comparable to medication and therapy.
But even when you acknowledge the tremendous benefits, if you’re not already exercising regularly, it can be hard to adopt the habit. I managed to change myself from a natural sloth to an enthusiastic exerciser by using all these tricks:

Always exercise on Monday. This sets the psychological pattern for the week.Never skip exercising for two days in a row. You can skip a day, but the next day, you must exercise no matter how inconvenient.

DON’T link exercise to weight loss as a way to motivate yourself. Although it’s quite true that people who exercise regularly are far more likely to keep weight off, you’ll find yourself justifying missing your run by turning down two Saltines. And if you don’t lose weight easily (who does?), you’re likely to give up exercise as futile.

Give yourself credit for the smallest effort. My father always said that all he had to do was put on his running shoes and close the door behind him.

Think about context. I thought I hated weight-training, but in fact, I hated the weight-training area of my gym. Do you try to run in the mornings, but recoil from going out in the cold? Do you hate the loud music in your gym? Is your work-out so exhausting that you can’t face the rest of your day? Re-think your choices.

You must exercise frequently. If you think you’re staying in shape by joining games of pick-up basketball, you should be playing four or five times a week. Twice a month isn’t enough.

If you don’t have time both to exercise and take a shower, find exercise (weight-training, yoga, walking) where in many cases you don’t need to shower afterward.

Look for affordable ways to make exercising more pleasant or satisfying. Could you upgrade to a nicer gym? Buy yourself a new iPod? Work with a trainer? Get a pedometer? (they’re only $25). Exercise is a high life priority, so this is the place to spend some money if that helps.

Think of exercise as part of your essential preparation for times you want to be in especially fine form—whether in performance (to be sharp for an important presentation) or appearance (to look good for a wedding) or mood (to deal with a stressful situation). Studies show that exercise does help.

Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good, i.e., don’t decide it’s only worth exercising if you can run five miles or bike for an hour. I have a friend who never exercises unless she’s training for a marathon.

Beware of magical thinking:
 Having a gym membership doesn’t mean that you go to the gym, and owning a yoga mat doesn’t mean you practice yoga.
 Just because you were in shape in high school or college doesn’t mean you’re in shape now.
 Saying that you don’t have time to exercise doesn’t make it true.

In the end, losing weight and being fit comes down to the simple things: discipline, planning, and being in control of your own life. By having your saftey foods with you at all times, you gain confidence, balanced blood sugar, healthful eating strategies, a fueled, bat burning muscle machine, and a sense of control over how you are going to live your life. So girl, get your game face on, pack your cooler, strap on those running shoes, and YOU be in CONTROL of your life rather than life being in control of you. -Corinne of Phit-n-Phat Training found via McCormick’s Blog.
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1. I realized that I did not grow up eating healthy or learning to make good food choices. I’m not blaming my parents at all. We ate, we are all still alive and generally healthy, but we had a “meat, starch, veggie” diet and not alot of “healthy” snacking.  We drank full sugar kool-aid, full-fat milk, fried chicken/fish were common.  What probably saved me then was portions were controlled to a degree in that we all 5 ate what was prepared and then went on our way, there weren’t the limitless leftovers that I faced in my first job (fast food) and in the College buffet style dining hall situation. 

This realization makes me feel BETTER, in that I am realizing why and how I react the way that I do in food related situations.

2. I was not always fat. I was never super-thin, but I was pretty active in High School (basketball) and even ran a bit in college my first/second years. I remember doing a 4 mile loop w/ a huge hill around the university and how much I love(d) how my legs looked then.

3. Stressful situations are my primary trigger. Work/Project slumps/Being overwhelmed, lead me to eat, especially in front of the computer while trying to work through the blocks.  I haven’t found the full solution to this, but I’m happy I see the pattern(s).

Things I am proud of:

1. I have made the decision to make my health my #1 priority. I won’t let money or time rob me of my goal.

2. I am eating better and making much better food choices. I still have a long way to go in terms of “eating clean” but I am much more aware of how/when I am hungry and what I’m putting in my mouth (even when its the bad stuff).

3. I am encouraging other people. DC and I talk about our goals each time we chat, I got my brother a week pass at my gym when he was here and I’m considering getting a treadmill for my parent’s house even though I don’t live here/won’t be here much longer.

4. I’m constantly thinking of how I can “move more” and how I can incorporate cross-training/activities I like into my life. I’m seeing this as a LIFESTYLE. Not just a diet. In fact I’m not dieting. I’m changing the way I eat and live so that I can achieve all of my goals. I’m worth it.

5. I sincerely believe I can do it. Even with the couple of comments that have put a dent in my spirit, I know what I can do, what I have done and who powers me. I believe it from head to toe that I’m on the right track and will make goal, inspire others and feel great.

wow. yesterday was so so bad. I drank margaritas and daquaris, ate too much, didn’t sleep well, didn’t exercise, the whole 9 yards. I think i hit rock bottom, so after what 8 days of no exercise, I did hit the gym today. it was quiet being a saturday and all, but it was perfect. i did 5 mins in the sauna to get warmed up and stretch my legs.

Treadmill: 64 mins (3.6 miles)

Arm workout: 30 mins

Weight lost 1.5 lbs (26 days of which i worked out 11)

Okay, so i was bummed by only having lost 1.5 lbs so far, but I quickly realized that hey…at least I’m not GAINING anything like I was on the ship the last few months! I talked to my mom about the “blues”, some anxiety I am having and feeling overwhelmed and she was very supportive. She said she could tell that I seem different this attempt and I feel different so i think i know what she means.

i am definitely stronger, i can bench the bar + 5lbs now and i upped the reps (but no weight) to my skull crushers. Also, I ran, actually ran at 3.8-4.2 mph for up to 4 minutes at a stretch. It felt so good that I almost had tears in my eyes. I got that “endorphin rush” and I was like “ooohhhh yeahhhh, this is why i used to run” and i also told myself “you ARE a runner” I was looking forward to tomorrow’s workout before I even finished today’s! I even picked up a flyer for a 5k run/walk Aug 4th though I’m not sure where i’ll be. I can totally feel the effects of that workout on my body! I went to the store, cleaned my car and cleaned up the kitchen and i am pooped! i also was reading about someone whose spouse exercises every.single.day, like its an obsession. and is it crazy that i’m like “oohh, yeah, i wanna be like that….”?

i hit the store and found a light wheat bread under 100 calories for two slices (80 cals), picked up fat free mayo, slimfast shakes (I just like them when i’m on the run to keep me from McDonald’s drive thru) and some turkey slices. I DID eat 6 wing dings and a salad for dinner, i didn’t eat properly today at all, but i am proud that i resisted the potato salad and pork chops that the family was having tonite (and they had ice cream! actually i don’t have a huge sweet tooth so that wasn’t much of a temptation).

Now i’m trying to get hopped up on H2O and get into the bed by 10pm so that i can get on a good sleep/work/play schedule.

Making Me a Priority

I think part of what i was/am struggling with is how to make my fitness/health a priority, and i also see that i am investing in things (internet) and people (not necessarily friends) who don’t benefit me in the overall sense. i have been let down recently in a couple of social arenas and i am wondering if i am too hard on people or too easy to let them in? the great thing about being 34 is I have a great core group of friends and family and i think i’m just going to minimize my investment to that core. if other things/people pop up worthy of time: great AND it fits MY schedule/budget/needs: GREAT if not: Siyonara! this is hard for me being such a people person and people pleaser but you know what? i’m done. d-o-n-e, finished.

i ordered a new bra from Activa Sports at http://www.activasports.com that I’m excited about! If I like it I’ll order more. Definitely gotta keep “the girls” happy!

i have this dream of mastering a martial art. another reason that a “base” level of fitness is desirable to me!

articles on martial arts: http://www.articlesonmartialarts.com/articles/57/1/How-To-Get-Into-The-Best-Shape-of-Your-Life/Page1.html

mauy thai and martial arts in bangkok: http://www.thaiwebsites.com/muaythai.asp