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I used to be (note the past tense) a compulsive overeater. I have identified the things that caused me to eat out of emotion and anxiety. I know now that I am safe, I am loved, I have everything I need to live life fully and vibrantly. I know that food is abundant and I can eat whenever I need to so I don’t have to eat it all NOW. I don’t have to stuff myself anymore, to soothe my ache, to feel full of something. I am dealing, and healing. I used to be a compulsive overeater. 

Yesterday was something altogether too complex to blog about off the cuff. We burried/creamated my mother’s mother. The private post i wrote yesterday was around alot of childhood issues that i have finally begun to address which all lead/led to the relationship with food that i used to have (emphasis on the past tense).

I feel soooo good today. Not that much has changed or that anything is different, the things I need to do better…they are still there. The things I need to work on…still need work. But I now know that food is no longer my master.

long story short: throughout the funeral when i got overwhelmed or anxious i just said to myself “you’re okay, you’re okay. be here now” and when all the food was laid out, the achilles heel of my life, i ate what i wanted and then when i felt i was going to keep eating, though i didn’t feel out of control, i just said to myself “eat what you want, you’re safe, there’s enough food here for you, you’re okay, you’re safe. if you are hungry later eat then.” and i….stopped! no struggle, no pain.

i had bought some fruit for myself as well which i still have (next morning) late last night i started to feel hungry, but i was also having a deep (and good) conversation with a friend and talking about some emotional stuff and i went to look at the room service menu. i was legitimately getting hungry, but fortunately they’d stopped service for the night.

i remembered i had fruit and was like if you’re really hungry, you’ll eat that. i laid down, and turned off the light and said “you’re okay, you’re safe, you have everything you need. there will be yummy food tomorrow” and i was okay.

i ordered steak and eggs w/ hashbrowns and toast for breakfast. the steak and eggs portion were small (by american standards) and I REJOICED. I ate what i wanted and said “you’re okay, you’re not hungry anymore, there’s more food later if you get hungry” and i didn’t finish the (already small) steak or the potatoes and didn’t eat any of the bread.

i’m done with dieting. i will eat what my body craves, when my body craves it. i’m okay, i’m safe, i have everything i need, i have love, and the food isn’t going to run out.

645am: Spinning

 GREAT workout this a.m. My favorite instructor taught again. It was hard core, balls to the walls! And the music was good!

Unfortunately last night was a diet disaster. So in 2 weeks I have had two “pizza hut” incidents and two “sub sandwhich” incidents. LOL. The good thing about last night though was that I couldn’t finish the sandwhich, fries, wings and I just didn’t FEEL good after I ate what I did.  I slept funky, was over full, woke up feeling heavy and felt it during my workout.

So…I’ve decided that to have a physique like Desiree Ficker I am willing to go without potatoes and meat. The two times I’ve lost weight in the past I was basically “pescaterian” wherein I ate fish and seafood but no other meat. I also ate dairy and eggs which I won’t give up. I’ve decided to have 6 days per year that I’ll indulge in beef/chicken/pork: My birthday; memorial day; 4th of July; labor day; thanksgiving and Christmas. This helps me control portions, avoid sub sandwhiches and the bread they come with (except subway’s seafood sub!).

I’ll continue to eat eggs, because I LOVE them and because they are awesome protein. I’ll keep you posted on how this journey goes. I believe I can live with this for life.

I am DONE with that. I just don’t like how I feel with the dirty “fuel” in my tank. Fortunately I did get to spin class today and will lift tonite and spin/lift Saturday and run on Sunday.

I’m also thinking about signing up for the Run for Kids 5k on May 12th. This might be a good target and the route is pretty easy and I can train on it since it is close (literally right out the front door of where I work).

I’ve been struggling lately to drink as much water as I should. I have been mostly good about not drinking soda, even diet soda. We don’t keep it at the house anymore here in NH and when I went home to VA I was disappointed (but ultimately glad) that there was NO soda at all in the house. I grabbed this article from here.

Why Drinking H2O is the key to Weight Loss by Maia Appleby

Don’t roll your eyes! The potion for losing that excess body fat is all around you. It covers two thirds of the planet. If you eat right and exercise at the intensity, frequency and duration proper for you, but still can’t get rid of a little paunch here and there, you’re probably just not drinking enough water.

No need to get defensive. You’re actually quite normal. Most people don’t drink enough water. Most people are also carrying around a few more pounds than they would be if they did drink enough water. If you can’t seem to get that weight off, try drowning your sorrows in nature’s magical weight-loss mineral. It works, and here’s why:

“What on Earth is ‘metabolism’, anyway?” People use the term all the time, but ask them what it means and you’ll get all kinds of answers. Merriam Webster defines it as, “The process by which a substance is handled in the body.” A little vague, but that’s really all it means.

There are many forms of metabolism going on in your body right now, but the one everyone is talking about it the metabolism of fat. This is actually something that the liver does when it converts stored fat to energy. The liver has other functions, but this is one of its main jobs.

Unfortunately, another of the liver’s duties is to pick up the slack for the kidneys, which need plenty of water to work properly. If the kidneys are water-deprived, the liver has to do their work along with its own, lowering its total productivity. It then can’t metabolize fat as quickly or efficiently as it could when the kidneys were pulling their own weight. If you allow this to happen, not only are you being unfair to your liver, but you’re also setting yourself up to store fat.

“I’ve tried it and I couldn’t stand it!” The problem is that, though many decide to increase their water intake, very few stick with it. It’s understandable. During the first few days of drinking more water than your body is accustomed to, you’re running to the bathroom constantly. This can be very discouraging, and it can certainly interfere with an otherwise normal day at work. It seems that the water is coming out just as fast as it’s going in, and many people decide that their new hydration habit is fruitless.

Do take heed , though. What is really happening is that your body is flushing itself of the water it has been storing throughout all those years of “survival mode”. It takes a while, but this is a beautiful thing happening to you. As you continue to give your body all the water it could ask for, it gets rid of what it doesn’t need. It gets rid of the water it was holding onto in your ankles and your hips and thighs, maybe even around your belly. You are excreting much more than you realize. Your body figures it doesn’t need to save these stores anymore; it’s trusting that the water will keep coming, and if it does, eventually, the flushing (of both the body and the potty) will cease, allowing the human to return to a normal life. It’s true. This is called the “breakthrough point.”

One recent finding, as irresponsible as it may be, that caffeine increases the body’s fat-burning potential has many people loading up on coffee before going to the gym. This finding may hold some degree of truth in it, but caffeine is, in essence, a diuretic, and diuretics dehydrate. Caffeine may increase the heart rate, causing a few more calories to be burned, but this is at the expense of the muscles, which need water to function properly. This isn’t doing your heart any favors, either. It’s already working hard enough during your workout. Never mix caffeine and exercise. In fact, your best bet is to stay away from caffeine all together. It’s a big bully that pushes your friend water out of your system.

Water is the best beauty treatment. You’ve heard this since high school, and it’s true. Water will do wonders for your looks! It flushes out impurities in your skin, leaving you with a clear, glowing complexion. It also makes your skin look younger. Skin that is becoming saggy, either due to aging or weight loss, plumps up very nicely when the skin cells are hydrated.

In addition, it improves muscle tone. You can lift weights until you’re blue in the face, but if your muscles are suffering from a drought, you won’t notice a pleasant difference in your appearance. Muscles that have all the water they need contract more easily, making your workout more effective, and you’ll look much nicer than if you had flabby muscles under sagging skin.

“Eight glasses a day? Are you kidding?!” It’s really not that much. Eight 8-ounce glasses amount to about two quarts of water. This is okay for the average person, but if you’re overweight, you should drink another eight ounces for every 25 pounds of excess weight you carry. You should also up this if you live in a hot climate or exercise very intensely.

This water consumption should be spread out throughout the day. It’s not healthy at all to drink too much water at one time. Try to pick three or four times a day when you can have a big glass of water, and then sip in between. Don’t let yourself get thirsty. If you feel thirsty, you’re already becoming dehydrated. Drink when you’re not thirsty yet.

Do you think water is yucky? Drinking other fluids will certainly help hydrate your body, but the extra calories, sugar, additives and whatever else aren’t what you need. Try a slice of lemon or lime in the glass, or if you really think you hate water, try a flavored water. Just make sure you read the labels. Remember that you’re going to be consuming a lot of this fluid.

It’s probably a good idea to stop drinking water a good three hours before you go to bed. You know why.

“How cold should it be?” This is debatable. Most experts lean toward cold water, because the stomach absorbs it more quickly. There is also some evidence that cold water might enhance fat burning.On the other hand, warmer water is easier to drink in large quantities, and you might drink more of it without even realizing it. Do whatever suits you, here. Just drink it!

When you drink all the water you need, you will very quickly notice a decrease in your appetite, possibly even on the first day! If you’re serious about becoming leaner and healthier, drinking water is an absolute must. If you’re doing everything else right and still not seeing results, this might just what’s missing.


Damn it felt good to work up a sweat today. I have truly missed working out. Wow. I guess I really am changing and becoming an athlete again. It’s like I’m craving being in shape now!

Step Mill Machine: 40 mins
Karate Class: 60 mins

I was feeling run down most of the week, but I decided to push myself this morning. My neck still hurts too, but I just can’t take being out of the gym and not being active anymore. The step mill felt great and karate was a lot of fun.

I also realized that my main gym has spinning classes 7 days a week! The class I’m taking now is at Dartmouth undergrad M, W, F and I’d love to do some spinning on the weekends! Yay!

I gave myself 2 stars today and I’m planning to hit the spin class and lift tomorrow.

Food log:

10am: Slimfast shake
1230pm: Bowl of Weight Watchers Oatmeal

I read an article yesterday that also confirmed what I was feeling, gotta cut those sodas out. I haven’t had much in the last few months but the last week I’ve been sucking them down. Even the diet ones aren’t good for you! Back to the H2O!

My Goals for this week:

Sun: Spin + Lift

Mon: Spinning + Karate

Tues: Spin + Karate

Weds: Spinning + Lift

Thurs: Spin + Karate

Fri: Spinning

Sat: Spin + Lift

Sun: Spin

I feel better emotionally (actually by the end of the day I was feeling better), but I don’t know what happened to my neck, I have a serious knot/strain or something that is killing me! So no karate Tuesday, no Spinning today. Boo! I’m going to nurse it some more tonite in the hopes that by Friday it will be okay.

This is a HUGE week/weekend for me in terms of work so I’m going to have to reconcile the fact that between that and my neck, I may not get a good workout in until Monday. This means I need to really watch what I eat this week/weekend to keep the scale from creeping up while I am on hiatus from my workouts.

10am: 2 boiled eggs and sausage

11am: large coffee

1:30pm: Baja Chicken soup (cream based!) + fresca

5:oopm: small reese’s halloween cup

Not feeling that great today emotionally. Working through some things and it is dragging me down. My neck hurts a little bit but I think I’m just being crazy because of some personal stuff.

9am: 4 Boca “fake” chicken nuggets w/ ketchup & Mayo

12noon: small portion pasta w/ alfredo + red sauce + small portion ceasar salad + diet coke

3pm: I’m kind of hungry right now, but not sure what I want, peanut brittle is looking good.

I’m trying not to let this emotional state impact my eating strategies. Also, I don’t want it to impact my Karate class and wether or not I “feel” like going. I have a huge work project this week/weekend so I’m not going to be “sick” for real, it just can’t happen. I refuse!

🙂

645am: Spinning

I wasn’t that into it this morning. I felt like I couldn’t really get into the groove. I’m still glad that I went. Might have needed more water after sitting in the sauna for 25 mins on Sunday though I tried to hydrate well last night. The sauna (plus wine) did contribute to a good deep sleep! I was in the bed by 1030pm and asleep before 1115pm I’m sure, I woke up naturally at 530am and felt pretty good.

I also stepped on the scale and the snacking is catching up with me. I need to cool it and break into the 250’s. I’m contemplating hitting the gym tonite, but I have two work functions after 5pm so karate and cardio are probably out. I need to be sure I’m getting enough rest and letting my body rest even though I feel like I want to “push” forward. I don’t want to get hurt or burnt out.  WW meeting is tomorrow :-0

I still got my “star” for today! It might be a good night to run outside (though it is cold) since I have karate tomorrow night and I could recover for 24 hours.

8am: Rice Dream smoothie w/ berries+banana and whey protein (8oz)

1045: Scrambled eggs w/ salsa + bacon/sausage

10 Reasons You’re Not Losing Weight

15 hours ago ago by writingimpromptu. Spam? Tags: Nutrition, Fitness, health

Why Can’t I Lose Weight?

By Ray Burton

I’m sorry if I step on toes with this one, but in this politically correct world where the truth is hard to come by its easy to get opinions that make you feel good about yourself. While I do want you to like who you are, I will not say what people want to hear if it’s not the truth. I’ll say what you don’t want to hear. So if you have been working out for a few months and don’t like what you see, there is a problem with what you are doing. Here are some of the things it could be.

Why Cant I Lose Weight?

1. You don’t eat 5-6 times a day. I hear it all the time, “I cant eat that much or I will get fat”. Well, you’re already fat so why don’t you try to lose weight my way? Eat 5-6 times a day to get the nutrients you need to build muscle and speed up your metabolic rate. You’re not going to make it through result producing workouts on two Twinkies and some fruit roll ups.

2. You’re eating too many carbs in the evening. You should taper off your carbs towards the end of the day. Use these energy gems to fuel your workouts and get your day started. There is no need to eat lots of carbs if you’re just going to bed. They will be stored as fat.

3. You chump out on your cardio. Don’t think that just getting on the treadmill will do it. You need to sweat and you need to breath hard. If you do 30 minutes of cardio and your shirt isn’t wet, you have been fooling yourself. Get your heart rate to at least 60% with the goal of 70% for some real results.

4. You don’t drink a gallon of water a day. Lack of water decreases performance and reduces protein synthesis. Not to mention the multitude of other systems that need water to work at peak efficiency.

5. You think you can get away with eating junk. You cant. Have a cheat day, don’t have a cheat week. You are not a special genetic phenomenon. What makes others fat will do the same to you in time.

6. Your workouts are pathetic. I see 80% of the gym just going through the motions. I also see 80% of the gym that never get any results. Work hard, it has to burn and pump. Don’t back off when you feel tired, push through. You will only get out what you put in. That’s not just a tired saying, it’s so true. Exceed your bests, push for new heights. The reward is there if you can put in the effort.

7. You are sporadic. You go some days and some days you don’t. Sometimes you follow your diet, but not always. You like certain body parts and you only work hard on those. Do or do not. Half hearted efforts will bring half assed gains.

8. You pick the easy exercises. You like cable curls but have never done a squat in your life. The seated row machine is comfy so you never do dead lifts. Harder is better. There are no short cuts.

9. You lie to yourself. This is the real reason. I hate the words “I must have a thyroid problem” and “I don’t have the genetics, or I could be skinny too”. Knock it off!! If you have a problem then go to the doctor and get it fixed. If you don’t then you’re just making excuses. Claim responsibility for your own lack of effort.

The other is mock ignorance. People know what works. People know when they should or shouldn’t be doing something. If you really don’t, ask me, Ray@buildingbodies.ca, that’s what I do. Don’t however waist my time by not following the advise you asked for. There are enough books and mags out there that no one should be in the dark on the basics of working out. You know where you are slacking and until you fix that area, don’t expect anything to change. If you keep doing what your doing now, you will always look the way you do.

10. You still use the words “if only”. Lots of great things could have been accomplished in people’s lives “if only”.

Find out what’s wrong with your wieght loss program and change it. Change it now. Time waits for no man and there is no time like the present. When you finally really get fed up with your current state and stop fooling yourself, you will get the body you want. If you need some help with this, check out my book Fat To Fit.

Important note: Sometimes people are sick and don’t even know it. I had one client that despite some areas in motivation and diet that did need attention he still didn’t make the forward progress he should have. Upon closer inspection (because this was really bugging me!) his doctor found out he was borderline diabetic. So once we had explained away the poor energy levels and why he especially couldn’t get away with the late night cheat meals. Things are back are now on back with the weight loss. So if you feel something is wrong even though your pre-workout checkup came up clean, keep asking until you find an answer.

Ray Burton
ISSA CPT
Calgary Personal Trainer

This article was first published at the site A to Z Fitness Article Blog.

700am: Spinning

Woke up feeling pretty good! I took 2 ibuprofen when I got into the bed and that both put me to sleep and took some of the edge off the soreness I think. It was no problem getting up to get to class. It helps that I was in the bed by 1145pm.

Food Log:

800am: Slimfast Optima Shake
945am: Scrambled Eggs w/ Salsa + bacon/sausage (small portion)
Large Coffee

430pm: Turkey + Cheese on white bun (shouldn’t have eaten this, a) white bread and b) not hungry)

800pm: Fried Calamari, Double Courvoisier and rare lean burger w/ fries. All bad choices and my stomach paid for it that night.

I feel pretty good/strong right now. I’m considering a workout tonite (abs, pushups, treadmill?) and maybe not going to the gym tomorrow, just doing Karate and Sunday doing a good lift workout. I want to get good workouts in, but I don’t want to overdo it or burn out so I’ll play the next couple of days by ear.

I’m really proud of myself for eating pretty well, staying on track and doing my best. I need to drink more H20 and watch the snacking which I’ve done out of “I am working hard, I deserve this.” type of mentality/justification. I am finding that my hunger is abating a bit and my appetite isn’t as large, I’m getting better at stopping when I’m comfortably satiated.

One thing that worked well the other night is I ate a bowl of fruit before I ate dinner. While I don’t see me doing this all the time as I don’t have a big sweet tooth, I can see the benefits of filling up on fruits/veggies before digging into things like spaghetti/pasta/bread/potatoe type meals.

I am also looking forward to learning/trying some winter sports. Skiing/snowboarding/snowshoeing and ice skating/pond hockey. I’m working on getting more cardiovascular fitness and more “core” strength so that my knees won’t take a beating.

My Goals for this week:

Mon: Cardio + Weights (done!)

Tues: Karate (done!)

Weds: Spinning (done!) + Weights (or abs and push ups) (x-body sore/tired)

Thurs: Karate (done!)

Fri: Spinning (done!)

Sat: Cardio (Hard workout) + Karate

Sun: Rest

Woke up feeling refreshed mentally, but physically my body is still sore and tired from Mon/Tues/Weds workouts! Slept in and only have karate tonite. Forgot to eat breakfast (who forgets to eat?) lol.

I think I need more H2O but forgot my water bottle!

12noon: vegan soy cutlet parmesean w/ veggies

300pm: Large Coffee w/ half & half

645pm: small portion of beef & broccoli and hot & sour seafood soup

945pm: chicken sausage, 8 peanut butter crackers + skim milk

**post Karate update. I made it to Karate tonight and I really had my doubts as my body is/was sore, but in the good way and I was kind of sleepy but I had some errands to run to help a friend who is sick and that kept my momentum up. Class was intense again. More Kumite (sparring) which is basically non-stop cardio. At the end of class, Sensei Australia (not his real name), said “you’ve got natural athletic ability, raw talent, people are looking forward to working with you…”  Wow!! How cool is that? I told him I studied a semester of Uechi-Ryu. It is hard and I have alot to learn just to get to the beginning of learning. But what a motivating moment!  I won’t make tomorrow (fri) b/c its during the day and I have a ton of work to do, but I’m definitely going Saturday instead of the weightlifting clinic. I have class at 1045 for Karate and then a 230pm Piano lesson.

My Goals for this week:

Mon: Cardio + Weights (done!)

Tues: Karate (done!)

Weds: Spinning  (done!) + Weights (or abs and push ups) (x-body sore/tired)

Thurs: Karate (done!)

Fri: Spinning

Sat: Cardio (Hard workout) + Karate

Sun: Rest